Long old story

It was a long time old story. I thought I had moved on. I mean, I moved on. From him. I learnt something from years ago.

But if you recall what you feel back then, how it felt like to fall, bleeding and nobody seen to help you, it still hurts.

I know I'm being my silly emotional self now. Maybe I read too much novels or browse too much fanfics lately.

I sometimes I feel like I want to cry over my pathetic life. I always thought that I'm still lucky that I'm not homeless and such. But still I fell pathetic most of the time because this emptiness in me.

Years spent hoping someone that don't even know you more than his ex-junior on middle school he met after school. Then patheticly shed a tear over a boy who didn't even clear he really likes you or not and then going out with your friend.

I had enough. I don't wanna feel the heartbreak ever again and crying by myself without even know who to tell the story to. I'm too afraid to feel some kind of that spark again till it comes to the point that I feel numb. I feel empty.

I liked someone. Just a fling. I just like to see some good looking man. And that's it. I don't want to take any further feeling.

Like when someone teased me for being a lifetime single, for him being a lifetime jerk, I was like, what's wrong with being single? It's much better than being a jerk.

But then again, it was just me all along. I'm too busy keeping my guards up so that I don't feel that heartbreak again. I'm being paranoid of someone not liking me anymore when I'm still like him.

I feel insecure most of the time when I saw everywehere everyone has their partner. I feel the jealousy to be very honest. Am I that ugly that nobody wants me? Am I that scary that nobody wants to come near me? Or am I that hard that nobody have no guts to try to melt me?

I know that this is stupid to think like this. But what can you do when you're in your silly self?

Boys said that they can't understand how girls mind work. Don't worry, boys, even me, a girl myself, don't even understand how my mind works.

My silly insecure self.

:')

The (Not So) Amazing Spiderman

Hello,

Maybe most of you wonder why I write the tittle like that. No. I'm not reviewing the latest Spiderman movie. I also not gonna criticsize the movie or the spiderman. This post is basically my critical thinking. I mean I know maybe people would think that I'm weird but whatever.

Basically I got this on my mind right after I watch the movie. I mean like, the tittle of the movie is good "The Amazing Spiderman" but in fact the spider heroes is not amazing at all.

I ain't speaking about the movie. I speak about the personality. Many people sometimes giving a high hope on something. Like they expected more on something or someone to do more than what they capable of. Like this movie. Look at Peter Parker's background. He was left by his parents to live with his old poor Uncle and Aunt. He's a dork. But when he's becoming a heroes, which nobody knows his identity, people expecting much from the hero.

And see what happen at the back of the story? He lost his lover. Forever. Gwen is not going to London. She was going somewhere farther than that. I know when you guys watch the movie you'd be like, "Oh Peter, please, you're a superhero, you can save her." because I did. But then again, what do you expect to do when it's a God's will?

And what happen when she's gone? He stop being a spider and the city is on chaos. Here what I got from the movie, Nobody's perfect. Not even Peter Parker-slash-Spiderman who can't even make his bestfriend understand that his blood is not going to cure him. He can't even save his lover. Everyboddy have their own weakness. And The Amazing Spiderman is not as amazing as we expected. Because what? He's a human afterall. Even Thor crying when he lost his brother.

Do not judge a book by it's cover.

That's not just a speech for the bad and the good with wrong package. That also a speech for the perfects. Nobody's perfect. God is.

XOXO