Is it okay to feel not okay

Sometimes I really wish I could turn back the time.

I wanna go back to the time before I did something stupid. I wanna go back to the time when I know that I could prevent something to happen before I regret it.

It's undeniable. Mistakes. People makes mistakes everyday. One person could even make more than people think one person could do in one day. We couldn't really predict the future. Everything we did today could even give the smallest effect to the future.

I know that I should have been more carefull towards everything since those days. I promise myself that I won't go back to that sorrow any more. But yet here I am crawling in my bed thinking how to get rid of this feeling.

It's not that this feeling grew that big towards that certain someone. It's just I feel like I'm slowly going back to the old times. It's like the history repeating itself. It's not even happen in the next life of mine. I'm still far far faraway from my next life.

I feel like an idiot reminicing all those prayers I've been saying. I just really don't wanna go back to the time where I should repeating that lyrics to God ever again. It's just tiring. And killing.

Pretend to be strong and fine everytime. It's killing.

I'm not fine. I'm not strong.

Can I scream that to the world instead?

Hello to my weirdness is back with my prayer

Shock is when your boss suddenly know who your crush is. Man I was like, "OMG!!! How could he know??!! He have sixth sense or what?"

I know that I really should stop from liking someone first. But it's not that I want to like someone who doesn't like me back either, right? Well, it's like I like those crushes that much already.

I don't want those past years coming back. It was really hard to go back to normal again. To breathe normally whenever I saw a certain person. To smile brightly without feeling nervous to someone. I've had that enough and I really don't wanna reset to that time again with another person. It was like my deepest agony for I have never been really in a relationship.

I just gonna pray that someday finally someone good would like me. I'm happy with my current life. Free with nobody but parents forbids me to do this and that too much, but when sometimes some people coming to my dreams, that time when I realize I've been so lonely all this time. So lonely so that I can't even differ when I'm just alone or when I'm lonely.

God, with this I say my prayer, my old wish that I used to say everynight before I sleep few years back,

I pray to you please keep my heart from any agony from a feeling we human called love.

Please let me like and love someone who could also liked me back so that I'm far from pain.

Please bring out the emptiness in me but just as much as the filler you could give to fill the emptiness.

Please just let me control myself from being too excited about something.

Please give me all the feelings You think is best for me.

Please always give me reminder whenever I do something too far from my way to go away from.the agony.

Please always be with me...

Amen...