I just cried.
Hard.
No, I sobbed.
But no tears comes out.
I wailed.
I sobbed hard my hearts hurt.
Reason?
I don't know.
Maybe because I missed my mum.
I don't know.
Not sure.
But it feels a little bit better.
I guess I need to cry a little more often.
Cause life is hard.
But we need to keep going with the play.
And I believe everything is alright.
At least that's what I told myself.
I think I'm being cursed.
I can't say something I didn't sure of. Cause it will happen.
My pathetic love life was basically being cursed.
First,
There was this senior of mine. I knew him somehow. He might (or might not) know me somehow.
One day, another senior saw him walked by and gone awe. I was like "tsk". Scoffing the girls away for being swayed by his charm.
Little did I know, I got swayed also few weeks later as I always seem to see him go back home from school and smiling friendly.
This one hits me hard.
Second,
There was this another senior. On high school. He was so very charming.
But he is bad. Skip school etc. And I said I wouldn't crush on him because of it.
But then someday I saw him as a light in my bored highschool life.
And there was another highshcool story. Also a senior. He was another gem.
Good one. Idol. Pretty head, pretty face.
I said I won't like him. He's so out of reach. But then my eyes keep on looking for him whenever I'm out of class.
Third,
I don't even know what this one was.
They teased us since day 1. I ain't wavering.
His meaningful gaze. I still didn't budge.
He only smile whenever they teased us. I still didn't wiggle.
But then one day,
I told my friend, "don't laugh at me. I think I liked him. A bit."
She laugh anyway.
Two days later,
I heard he dated a friend of mine.
I moved on not even a month after.
Cause I realized I'm being stupid.
Now I'm just curious.
Has they ever see me as nothing?
Am I really that invisible?
Dear You,
If one day you realize you like me,
Kindly tell me direclty.
Don't tell me to crack your code.
Or ask me to translate your meaningful gaze.
Just tell me how you feel directly.
I might or might not reciprocate your feelings.
But at least let me know.
Spare us from wondering.
Spare us the time.
Sincerely,
Someone who tired of loving alone.
"Wouldn't it be nice to have someone who listens to your stories and laughs at your jokes?
Someone who can be your lover and bestfriend at the same time. Have fun together. Achieve goals together.
Someone who prays and wish the best and only the best for you."
A friend post.
And I was laughing.
Almost asking her why are you so predictable.
But then...
She's right somehow.
And I suddenly frown.
The laugh disappear.
And my head suddenly full of questions.
