Me is the reason why.

Hello, I'm back after sometimes.

I'm just gonna share my thoughts again about something. It's not bothering me, but I guess yes for some people.

Someday, in a good day, my friends and I were talking randomly at campuss. And we were playing revealing secrets. And that moment revealed that I haven't been in a relationship ever.

And guess what? Nobody believed me! Looollll...

And the same things goes on everytime I said that I haven't been in a relationship with someone. They said that I didn't look like one.

Lol and what do I looked like? Some two timing bitch maybe. Lol. Kidding.

I still wonder why nobody believes me, tho.

Well, then, couple weeks ago I went out with a friend and his friend. And we were like teasing each other and the topics came.

And another case, they don't believe me! I teased by those two bastards (kidding guys, I love you guys to the moon and backs. Lol) nonstop.

My friend was like going all "I'm going to reveal you secret when we meet the others"

And I was like, I don't mind. Because it wasn't a shame thing.

But for the two boys, maybe that was. Maybe because they were boys.

At first I was shyly revealed that, but a friend of mine said that it was a good thing. Good thing that I haven't been touched by any bastards in any bad way. Good things that I never had a broken heart because of post breakups.

For the first one, I agreed. But the later, I opposed. Just because I haven't had a boyfriend my entire life, doesn't mean that I haven't fallen in love my whole life too, right?

It's a long story I'll tell next time. But from the moments I encountered, I realized something, sometimes we cant alwayd blame other when something isn't work our way. We have to blame ourself first. Track back our way and see if there is something we lack or we missed.

In my case, when some day I have a talk with Stella, she said this thing that hit me to th core.

"why?"
"I don't know. It just doesn't work till that stage. I just don't feel something I feel like suppose to feel."
"so it's you, then. You are the reason."

And that day I was like falling from a plane and hit the ground hard. Yes, it's me. The reason why it does never work was me. Maybe I'm too cold to melt. Too stiff to be softened. Too tiring to reach.

I admit, I'm cold and stiff around boys I feel not comfortable as a friend. I'm such a bitch when I don't like someone. That's why. I'm straight. Perfectly, if they questioned me. But it's just I love the process and hate it when someone befriend me just because they have something ups towards me.

I actually need someone who could patiently stand my bitch indifferent side, not someone who just wanna play on easy games and surrender when they feel like it's too hard to finish. Call me conservative or whatever, but I'm not an easy game to play with.

XOXO