It was a long time old story. I thought I had moved on. I mean, I moved on. From him. I learnt something from years ago.
But if you recall what you feel back then, how it felt like to fall, bleeding and nobody seen to help you, it still hurts.
I know I'm being my silly emotional self now. Maybe I read too much novels or browse too much fanfics lately.
I sometimes I feel like I want to cry over my pathetic life. I always thought that I'm still lucky that I'm not homeless and such. But still I fell pathetic most of the time because this emptiness in me.
Years spent hoping someone that don't even know you more than his ex-junior on middle school he met after school. Then patheticly shed a tear over a boy who didn't even clear he really likes you or not and then going out with your friend.
I had enough. I don't wanna feel the heartbreak ever again and crying by myself without even know who to tell the story to. I'm too afraid to feel some kind of that spark again till it comes to the point that I feel numb. I feel empty.
I liked someone. Just a fling. I just like to see some good looking man. And that's it. I don't want to take any further feeling.
Like when someone teased me for being a lifetime single, for him being a lifetime jerk, I was like, what's wrong with being single? It's much better than being a jerk.
But then again, it was just me all along. I'm too busy keeping my guards up so that I don't feel that heartbreak again. I'm being paranoid of someone not liking me anymore when I'm still like him.
I feel insecure most of the time when I saw everywehere everyone has their partner. I feel the jealousy to be very honest. Am I that ugly that nobody wants me? Am I that scary that nobody wants to come near me? Or am I that hard that nobody have no guts to try to melt me?
I know that this is stupid to think like this. But what can you do when you're in your silly self?
Boys said that they can't understand how girls mind work. Don't worry, boys, even me, a girl myself, don't even understand how my mind works.
Maybe most of you wonder why I write the tittle like that. No. I'm not reviewing the latest Spiderman movie. I also not gonna criticsize the movie or the spiderman. This post is basically my critical thinking. I mean I know maybe people would think that I'm weird but whatever.
Basically I got this on my mind right after I watch the movie. I mean like, the tittle of the movie is good "The Amazing Spiderman" but in fact the spider heroes is not amazing at all.
I ain't speaking about the movie. I speak about the personality. Many people sometimes giving a high hope on something. Like they expected more on something or someone to do more than what they capable of. Like this movie. Look at Peter Parker's background. He was left by his parents to live with his old poor Uncle and Aunt. He's a dork. But when he's becoming a heroes, which nobody knows his identity, people expecting much from the hero.
And see what happen at the back of the story? He lost his lover. Forever. Gwen is not going to London. She was going somewhere farther than that. I know when you guys watch the movie you'd be like, "Oh Peter, please, you're a superhero, you can save her." because I did. But then again, what do you expect to do when it's a God's will?
And what happen when she's gone? He stop being a spider and the city is on chaos. Here what I got from the movie, Nobody's perfect. Not even Peter Parker-slash-Spiderman who can't even make his bestfriend understand that his blood is not going to cure him. He can't even save his lover. Everyboddy have their own weakness. And The Amazing Spiderman is not as amazing as we expected. Because what? He's a human afterall. Even Thor crying when he lost his brother.
Do not judge a book by it's cover.
That's not just a speech for the bad and the good with wrong package. That also a speech for the perfects. Nobody's perfect. God is.
Coba deh inget inget hal paling tolol yg pernah lo lakuin dalam hidup lo. Apapun itu, setolol apapun, sesuram apapun, sememalukan apapun itu, kalo lo recall lagi pasti lo bakal ketawa. Ngetawain diri lo sendiri.
Kayak kemaren, misalnya. Seumur hidup gue kemana-mana sendirian naik angkutan umum, belum pernah gue setolol kemarin.
Singkat cerita, pulang kantor gue as usual balik naik kereta. Nnggu lah gue di Stasiun Tebet yg menuju Jakarta. Kereta dateng, gue naik dong. Turun lah gue di Manggarai utk transit ke arah Bekasi.
Saat gue turun, ada pengumuman kalo kereta arah Bekasi udah ada di peron 4. Gue yg lg nggak aware gue ada di jalur berapa, main naik aja kereta yg ada di seberang.
Pas kereta jalan, nggak sampe 5 menit kemudian, kereta mulai ngerem lagi. Gue mikir, kok tumben banget Manggarai-Jatinegara secepet ini. Gue langsung pengen nyelem ke kutub utara saat pengumuman pemberhentian stasiun terdengar.
"Stasiun Tebet"
Disitu gue ngerasa tolol setengah mati. Gue balik lagi ke Tebet kayak orang linglung.
Tapi disitu gue sadar, terkadang hal-hal tolol yang kita lakuin itu spicing up our life, loh. Hidup kita jadi ada rasanya. Jadi lebih berwarna, lebih bervariasi.
Saat itu gue langsung me-recall hal-hal tolol apa aja yg pernah gue lakuin. Dan gue senyum-senyum sendiri kalo inget-inget semua hal itu.
Buat gue, terkadang memang hal-hal tolol itu yang bikin gue ketawa. Ketawa, kenapa gue dulu bisa setolol itu ya dulu. Dan itu bisa jadi pelajaran sih buat gue supaya nggak ngelakuin hal itu lagi. Atau paling nggak nggak sebodoh itu...
1. How could you be so tall?? - I got it from my Grandpas. Both grandpas from both side are giants.I also played basketball and swim alot when I was a little girl.
2. You're that tall and so thin, why don't you just be a model? - Dad not allowed me. He said that a model revealed too much skin.
3.So then why don't you just be a stewardress instead?
- I've ad tried once. But my luck is not on me.
4. Why don't you try again, then? - Not possible. My eyes minus problem is getting worse now. :((
Well, okay I guess that's it for today. I'll updated when I remember what question people likes to ask me about.
I totally have no idea where this rumors pops up. It was just some morning, few weeks ago, when I prepared to go to office, at the dinner table when I having my breakfast, my aunt, since I live with my cousin for a month, said this,
"I heard some rumors, someone told me that you are going to get married. Is that true?"
And I was like,
"WHUUUTTTTT???? MARRIIIEEEEDDDD??? ARE YOU KIDDING ME, AUUUNNNTTTT???!!!"
No, I didn't said that out loud.
"what?! Married? Haha I don't even have a boyfriend. Married with who?"
I said that instead. Lol
"Don't lie with me. You know it's not a wisemove." my aunt said jokingly.
"No, ma'am. I'm not lying. I have no boyfriend to start with. Who am I going to get married with?"
Yeah, that was few weks ago. And also few weeks ago I have this bestfriends supicious attack.
My friend was like suspecting me that I have a bf without even telling them. And they even do it again last night! They even said thay I'm change. Pft! What a friend!
Mom also always do this kind of things to me, jokingly asked if I have a boyfriend but not believe me when I said no.
I am always like that when I'm being teased. I'll go all shy and red even when the rumors not true. People somewhat expecting something more that the truth I have told them because of that reaction of mine.
Nobody believes me. I'm the kind to said 'No' when it's no and 'Yess' when it'a yes. And I'll tell when I feel like I have to tell.
All I can say is, my boyfriend has not arrived yet. His plane is still on delay and the road from the airport to reach where I stand now is in a heavy traffic.
I'm just gonna share my thoughts again about something. It's not bothering me, but I guess yes for some people.
Someday, in a good day, my friends and I were talking randomly at campuss. And we were playing revealing secrets. And that moment revealed that I haven't been in a relationship ever.
And guess what? Nobody believed me! Looollll...
And the same things goes on everytime I said that I haven't been in a relationship with someone. They said that I didn't look like one.
Lol and what do I looked like? Some two timing bitch maybe. Lol. Kidding.
I still wonder why nobody believes me, tho.
Well, then, couple weeks ago I went out with a friend and his friend. And we were like teasing each other and the topics came.
And another case, they don't believe me! I teased by those two bastards (kidding guys, I love you guys to the moon and backs. Lol) nonstop.
My friend was like going all "I'm going to reveal you secret when we meet the others"
And I was like, I don't mind. Because it wasn't a shame thing.
But for the two boys, maybe that was. Maybe because they were boys.
At first I was shyly revealed that, but a friend of mine said that it was a good thing. Good thing that I haven't been touched by any bastards in any bad way. Good things that I never had a broken heart because of post breakups.
For the first one, I agreed. But the later, I opposed. Just because I haven't had a boyfriend my entire life, doesn't mean that I haven't fallen in love my whole life too, right?
It's a long story I'll tell next time. But from the moments I encountered, I realized something, sometimes we cant alwayd blame other when something isn't work our way. We have to blame ourself first. Track back our way and see if there is something we lack or we missed.
In my case, when some day I have a talk with Stella, she said this thing that hit me to th core.
"why?" "I don't know. It just doesn't work till that stage. I just don't feel something I feel like suppose to feel." "so it's you, then. You are the reason."
And that day I was like falling from a plane and hit the ground hard. Yes, it's me. The reason why it does never work was me. Maybe I'm too cold to melt. Too stiff to be softened. Too tiring to reach.
I admit, I'm cold and stiff around boys I feel not comfortable as a friend. I'm such a bitch when I don't like someone. That's why. I'm straight. Perfectly, if they questioned me. But it's just I love the process and hate it when someone befriend me just because they have something ups towards me.
I actually need someone who could patiently stand my bitch indifferent side, not someone who just wanna play on easy games and surrender when they feel like it's too hard to finish. Call me conservative or whatever, but I'm not an easy game to play with.
I know it's been so long since I write, but I just find something interesting.
I know I've been too late dated about K-Pop news. Yess, I'm a K-freak. (you can tell) and somehow since I have work (not really work like work, I'm just an Intern actually, but my office hour is more than the staff :( ), I'm really backdated with the news. Because I usually open my twitter account and just scrolling my timeline like the whole day but now, I don't even have time to do that. I mean I have, but not as much as before.
I actually forget the date (I said before I'm so 90's bitch lately) but 2NE1 is having a comeback album. A full one (I heard. Right or not?). And a Con. Tbh, I'm not really excited. How come when they're my fav girlband? I don't know. It just happen like that. And maybe since I'm a little bit bored with all-so-Teddy kind of music so, yea. lol. Don't get me wrong once again, I love Park Hongjun to the core. It's just a personal preference sometimes. lol.
Okay, I just heard one song from their latest album, Crush. You guys can find the song on i-Tunes or check out the Music Video bellow.
The song is kind of fresh. Like and the MV's good. And I like Bom's short hair. And I love Dara in that black outfit. I mostly like the song and the MV. Minus they're coming back to their Jeremy Scott era, but I really love the surprise when they appear in those biker style (I think I've seen CL's biker jacket somewhere. Probably SLP or Balmain. Maybe Dara or Jiyong have wore the Red one). And also another surprise, WHAT IS JEREMY DOING THERE? LOL. He's cute there tho. The MV's fresh lah. I personally like it.
What makes me writing this post is, when I heard the lyrics, I was like "OMG the lyrics is sad."
I think, since it's tittled "HAPPY", it must be a happy song. And since the MV looks bright. But actually, NO.
The lyric is kind of sad. About a girl wishing her ex a happy life, and saying sorry so many times for making their life misereable and such. Still so Teddy sih. I mean, he's a genius who can make such a happy go lucky music with sad lyrics. He's a genius.
Actually I understand korean a little. And when I heard Bom's chorus part, "Neo eobsi I'm not happy but I hope you're happy" I was like "oh, this song is a sad song or what?"
Even before I looking for the lyrics and translation, I suddenly thinking of someone. A friend of mine. I can't said any details here. It's just I know some little story and this song is match perfectly. She was Swift for me before. Just simply a Swift. But now she's also 2NE1.
Dear you, you know who you are when you read this, you should listen to this song dear.
But promise me don't cry, kay. Sing it happily like the way they sing it with smile.
Neo eobsi I’M NOT HAPPY BUT I HOPE YOU’RE HAPPY Meolliseo nan neol jikyeobolge Neo eobsi I’M NOT HAPPY BUT I HOPE YOU’RE HAPPY Modeun gieokdeureun dwirohan chae
Haengbokhage nal itgo sarajwo I Hope you’re H A P P Y Haengbokhage nal itgo sarajwo I Wish you’re H A P P Y
I thought we had it together but well….
Nan noryeokhaesseo in everyway Bamnajeul saesseo neol gidaril ttaen Naran yeoja aneseo sarang aneseo haengbokhaji antan neoui mal WAIT Jedaero meogeosseo POW neomu apa nae mam OUCH Thought you was happy but you turned me out Coolhan cheok haneura chameun nunmuri neol hyanghan nae jinsildoen mam
Neo eobsi I’M NOT HAPPY BUT I HOPE YOU’RE HAPPY Meolliseo nan neol jikyeobolge Neo eobsi I’M NOT HAPPY BUT I HOPE YOU’RE HAPPY Modeun gieokdeureun dwirohan chae
Haengbokhage nal itgo sarajwo I Hope you’re H A P P Y Haengbokhage nal itgo sarajwo I Wish you’re H A P P Y
Neorado haengbokhaeya HAPPY ENDING Na bikkoneun geo anya da jinsimin geo arajwo
Neorado haengbokhaeya HAPPY ENDING Na bikkoneun geo anya da jinsimin geo arajullae
Neo eobsi I’M NOT HAPPY BUT I HOPE YOU’RE HAPPY Meolliseo nan neol jikyeobolge Neo eobsi I’M NOT HAPPY BUT I HOPE YOU’RE HAPPY Modeun gieokdeureun dwirohan chae
Haengbokhage nal itgo sarajwo I Hope you’re H A P P Y I Hope you’re H A P P Y Haengbokhage nal itgo sarajwo I Wish you’re H A P P Y
English Translation:
Do you think of me from time to time Or is it all faded That meaning itself is unnatural
Every day after I sent you away In the time I spent alone I become obsessed now it’s pitiful
If I was a burden If I was like luggage You should have left earlier I’m sorry
It was hard because of me, right? Were you really uncomfortable? I was like a fool and couldn’t even take a hint
OH NO I DIDN’T CRY CRY CRY Even if I hate someone Nothing changes since it’s the end
The sadness over you BYE BYE BYE Since you need to be without me to be happy OOH OOH
Without you I’M NOT HAPPY BUT I HOPE YOU’RE HAPPY I’ll watch over you from afar Without you I’M NOT HAPPY BUT I HOPE YOU’RE HAPPY After putting all memories behind
Live happily once forgetting me I Hope you’re H A P P Y Live happily once forgetting me I Wish you’re H A P P Y
I thought we had it together but well….
I tried in everyway I stayed up whenever waiting for you You said you were unhappy with a love from a girl like me WAIT I understood it well POW I hurt so much OUCH Thought you was happy but you turned me out Trying to be cool I held in my tears which are my true feelings
If you missed it a little If you had any regrets I bet you couldnt be so cold to me
Did you love me at all Or was it all lies I couldn’t even take a hint
OH NO I DIDN’T CRY CRY CRY Even if I hate someone Nothing changes since it’s the end
The sadness over you BYE BYE BYE Since you need to be without me to be happy OOH OOH
Without you I’M NOT HAPPY BUT I HOPE YOU’RE HAPPY I’ll watch over you from afar Without you I’M NOT HAPPY BUT I HOPE YOU’RE HAPPY After putting all memories behind
Live happily once forgetting me I Hope you’re H A P P Y Live happily once forgetting me I Wish you’re H A P P Y
You need to be happy at least for a HAPPY ENDING I’m not being funny I want you to know this is the truth
You need to be happy at least for a HAPPY ENDING I’m not being funny I want you to know this is the truth
Without you I’M NOT HAPPY BUT I HOPE YOU’RE HAPPY I’ll watch over you from afar Without you I’M NOT HAPPY BUT I HOPE YOU’RE HAPPY After putting all memories behind
Live happily once forgetting me I Hope you’re H A P P Y Live happily once forgetting me I Wish you’re H A P P Y
Siapa sih yang nggak tau Bigbang? Siapa yang nggak tau G-Dragon? Bahkan fans mereka nggak cuma kaum perempuan aja, tapi juga kaum laki-laki. Dan beberapa jam lalu sebelum gue nulis ini (karena gue butuh menemukan kata-kata yang baik untuk ditulis, dan dipastikan itu akan lama), I saw a post about G-Dragon a.k.a Kwon Jiyong, leader of Bigbang on L'Uomo Vogue Italy.
Tapi yang catch my attention justru bukannya semata-mata karena GD on Vogue Italy, but the cover of the article.
and also this
Get the point? Yes! Right! Indonesia! And also those names of Indonesian tallented people. As you can see those name that mentioned, Jaya Ibrahim adalah furniture designer. Fiona Tan, fotografer.
Deddy Kusuma, Art Collector. Anggun, nggak asing lagi kan, Indonesian proud singer. Dan Oka Antara dan Joe Taslim (those hot daddy), aktor. You can search more about them on google.
I mean, bangga lah ya, Indonesia bisa mentioned di majalah luar negeri. Italia pula kan, nggak sembarangan. Dan bersanding di satu halaman sama nama-nama yang hampir seluruh dunia tau, like Michelle Yeoh, Jimmy Choo, G-Dragon, SNSD Hyoyeon, Juun J, dll. And to mention, it's Vogue, guyyyysssssys!!!!
And just remember, gue kebetulan tadi liat Raditya Dika nge-tweet kalo dia juga diwawancara Vogue Italy.
Dan ini dia, contents of L'Uomo Vogue edisi November 2013
As you guys can see, there's Raditia Dika name on page 42 di daftar halaman sebelah kiri. Ada juga Ananda Sukarlan, pianis disitu. Hebat kan? Dan yang juga menarik perhatian yang paling bawah, OPINION: SUMATRA.
Sepertinya sih edisi ini mengulas banyak hal tentang tallented people from Asia. Seperti kita bisa lihat dari nama-nama yang tercantum di gambar-gambar diatas. Gue sih belum baca keseluruhan isinya dari L'Uomo Vogue ini (kecuali cover story-nya), karena masih nyari-nyari artikelnya di internet. Cover story nya pun kayaknya nggak semua di reveal di web Vogue Italy, karena foto yang ada nama-nama dengan latar gambar G-Dragon itu adalah unrevealed picture.
Ya gue berharap sih semoga ini bisa jadi trigger buat Indonesia supaya bisa lebih dikenal di masyarakat dunia. Kan bingung kalo hampir semua orang di dunia tau Bali tapi bingung begitu disebut Indonesia. Siapa tau kan Raditya Dika bisa bersanding sama Choi Siwon, Kim Woobin, SNSD Hyoyeon di dunia nyata nggak di tulisan doang. Kali aja dia mau daftar jadi member pengganti Morgan Sm*sh gitu terus go internasional terus bisa se-terkenal Siwon. Hahaha.
Hello, this is my first post ever. My first serious ever writing that I have ever publish. I write sometimes on my tumblr but it was just what-I-feel-inside writings. lol
Okay on this very first post I'm just going to introduce myself a little. You can call me Tania for short. I was 22 last July. I'm Indonesian (This is why I'm a little bit dillema should I write my post in english or indonesian. But my english isn't that good actually.)
I love to read (literaturs like novels or such, not science book. lol), I really like watching (any kind of show. Movies, dramas, serial, etc.) I enjoy music as well. Like of course, who can life without music, right? I also love K-pop, K-dramas and such. lol.
So... I guess that's it. I'm not that excelent of intro actually.
